How To Not Hate Your Husband – After Having Kids!
After seeing that title you either shook your head , saying I know she didn’t just go there. Or you grabbed some popcorn so we could get on into this tea. You are not alone in honey. Hate is a strong word and if you feel like that’s where your at now. Stay and let’s see what I can help you with.
Alright, let’s do this !
After children things can definitely start hitting the fan. Where it once’s was just you and the hubs, you now have added one or two little people that look like you go the party. It’s a new transition from married couple to a family. I know this from first hand experiences ( babe , that’s why I’m writing this. So I can help you, my marriage is not always rainbows and unicorns.)
A social study was done over the course of 8 years with 200 family (436 individuals)- “ … parents showed sudden deterioration following birth on observed and self-reported measures of positive and negative aspects of relationship functioning…”
It happens so let’s dive into 5 things I’m actively doing to uplift my marriage with kids.
LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE
My husband and I are so stubborn sometimes. Okay most of the time. What I have learned over the last eight years – still learning because growth never stops- to speak to him calmly when I need to portray something of importance. Speaking up when I need help with the kids. If we are having a disagreement, we don’t call each other’s names, don’t swear, or scream. We don’t always stick to our guns but we know what’s going on when we speak to one another. I’m not perfect, neither is he, but if we don’t have our communication down with each other I don’t think a marriage could go any further than you could throw me. At the beginning of our marriage we used to write each other letters. That would reduce the face to face , if you think something you’d say would hurt their feelings. [Check out my post here]
Let him do things his way.
Whew Chile ! This one right here. We both have some control ISSUES. . obstacles so to say! Let me tell you though. If you give him some space to let him figure it out it will do the world and you some good.
Ever heard of “there is more than one way to skin a cat” the same applies to a marriage. Try not to criticize the way he fathers your kids. Instead tell him how well he is doing at the new task. Babies are tiny creatures let him learn as your learning with the newness of being a new parent.
Address Money Issuses
Um well hello Elephant in the room. We are all adults but I feel as though this is a hard pill to swallow for some. Babies are expensive; diapers, wipes , formula – it’s not cheap! When those expenses start rolling in it’s better to have a game plan then to have none at all. Make a budget and stick to you. It will be all worth it and leas stress in the long run. Think about how your showing your young kids about the value and importance of money. Growing up differently seeing different money scenarios in life effects you down the road in life.
Divide House Chores
Define theses chores before you pop the baby. If your already in the midst of things. Make a list and divide it out. Sections of the house, first floor, second floor, dinner duties. Define them so that your not getting upset about something you haven’t discussed yet . . Communicate. . .
Say ‘Thank you’ Often
It’s goes a long way. Don’t be condescending about it. Just say it. It’s nice to hear that person is grateful of you. It’s nice to hear, especially from your loved one. Saying , ‘thank you for Picking up grocery on the way home’ can make him/her feel like they are doing things right. Don’t forget your in this together. Your higher being has put this situation in your life. Marriage is work, but it’s amazing to have your other half with you on this journey.
Know when to get help!
If despite your best efforts, you continue to have symptoms of rage, anger, and irritability, make sure to reach out to a Mental Health provider to rule out underlying diagnosis.